It's cold in my world
by AutumnPaigeBieber
Summary: Carlos just died in a car crash after Logan revealed his feelings for him. See what the loss is through Logan's eyes. Guarenteed to cry! Slash!
1. Chapter 1

**This is just chapter one, and there will be a few more(: i hope you like it, because I wrote this in a very hard time for me. My best friend has recently died, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. It just seems like each day i mope more. Well, here it is, and this is logan's POV. (:**

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><p>I dont know how long he's been gone, I just can't tell day and night apart, anymore. I feel hollow, like every thing has been drained from me. I can't obtain the fact that he's gone, I keep expecting him to burst through the dorrs of apartment of 2J, alive and spiritual again.<p>

I had been trying to aquaint the feelings I had had for Carlos for the past year or so. I had finally got myself. That i was in love with the boy. Loving him was hard, consitering that there was a massive chance he didn't love me back. But, the suspence was consuming me. I had to find out if he actually did love me back, like i did him. I had let the thought run across my mind hundreds of times.

But now I wish i hadn't

See, the day i had told him I had a 'thing' for him, he was astounded. He told me he had to let all of this sink in with a drive through town. Even though it was pouring the rain outside. And with one wrong turn of his wheel, his life was cut short. I feel it's my fault, he would have never made the choice of going out, if i hadn't brought it up. Now I'm lying here, mourning his absence. God I wish i had him back. I keep wanting to pick up the phone, to call him, but then I have to remind myself again.

Sometimes I wear his clothes, and sleep with his personal belongings. People say it's strange, but i love the scent of it. I love that i have a little piece of Carlos close to my heart every time I sleep at night. I miss him. I don't know if I will be at his funeral, I don't know if I can take it. But, the other day when i was rumaging through his things, I found a crumbled up piece of paper thrown into his desk, which was filled with pictures of all of us, having a great time back before his brutal death. It turned out it was his will he had wrote. I thought it was rather strange, but I'm glad he did it. One of his dying wishes was for me to sing concrete angel at his funeral. But i don't know if I can do it though the tears. Because I know, there will be tears.

"Logan... it's time to go." I hear James smooth voice comming from the other side of my door.

"Time for what?" I bawled out.

"For Carlos'.. funeral.." I could practically hear the tears dripping off his face. His funeral was today? What month is it? No! I'm not ready! I didn't respond. After a while I heard him walk off.

I drug myself out of bed and out of my heartsick stage. My posture drooped low and my gut was rumbling. I had stopped eating every since Carlos had died. It would be my best estement that it was about 3 weeks ago. I examined my abandoned closet for something decent to wear, I finally settled on a Formal blue shirt and a pair of Carlos' good jeans. I can't go looking like this, I'm a mess inside and out. I freashened up, fixed my tie, and fixed my hair. I walked though the door to my friends I had litteraly abandoned for the 3 weeks. The was all dressed up and fancy- like. I could tell they all had been crying, but not as close as much as I have.

"I'm ready." I sighed. But I was far from it. They stood up, and headed toward the door. "Hey, i'll um, meet you in the lobby. I just have to grab something." I said reffering my hand back to my room.

"Take you time, buddy." Kendall patted my shoulder.

I nodded and headed back to my room. I picked up one of Carlos' lucky key chains and slipped it into my pocket. I walked out the door, and I could have sworn on a thousand stars, Carlos was right beside me, walking me every step of the way.


	2. Chapter 2

Colorful flowers and nessecories surrounded a giant picture of the latino beauty embedded on an old stand, a solid rock coffin resting behind the podium. We listened to the ceremony, and then it was time for me to sing. I walked up to the stage, and the preacher smiled at me. Tears stained my face, my eyes were red and puffy, and my head throbbed. But, I cleared my throte, and began the song.

She walks to school with the lunch she packed  
>Nobody knows what she's holding back<br>Wearing the same dress she wore yesterday  
>She hides the bruises with the linen and lace, oh<p>

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask  
>It's hard to see the pain behind the mask<br>Bearing the burden of a secret storm  
>Sometimes she wishes she was never born<p>

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone  
>In a world that she can't rise above<br>But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place  
>Where she's loved concrete angel<p>

Somebody cries in the middle of the night  
>The neighbors hear but they turn out the light<p>

A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate  
>When morning comes it will be too late<p>

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone  
>In a world that she can't rise above<br>But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place  
>Where she's loved concrete angel<p>

A statue stands in a shaded place  
>An angel girl with an upturned face<br>A name is written on a polished rock  
>A broken heart that the world forgot<p>

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone  
>In a world that she can't rise above<br>But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place  
>Where she's loved concrete angel.<p>

I finished, and by the time the song had ended, tears were flowing from my eyes. I walked off the stage, and ran out of the building. I couldn't stand seeing his beautiful face plastered to pieces of paper when I needed the real thing. Carlos was always the one who sung me to sleep on my worst nights, took me in when I was down, wiped all my tears away, and he was just, all the time, doing nice things for me, and making sure I was alright.

I ran blindly to the middle of town, and I was in the park. I sat down on the bench i can remember clearly meeting Carlos on 10 years ago. We were clueless eight year olds, partying hard while our moms were somewhere in the distance. I smiled at the memory. I remember the time we sat up all night watching the stars when we was about 14. And the time he held my hand when I was getting my booster shot. Man, what I would give to go back to those days..

I had sat there and thought about everything, snickering at every little venerable memory, I had forgotten completely that Carlos wouldn't be home when I got back.

"You gonna go home, or what." An old man seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry, just thinking." I fakely smiled.

Man, i sat out here all night thinking, and got busted by this old dude.

"Wait till Carlos hears about-" I stopped, my smile fadded. "Oh..." I began silently crying, and I began walking toward home, when it began raining. Ahh, Carlos loved the rain. When I thought about it real hard, I could see Carlos' face in every drop of rain. I looked up to the sky, I could have sworn the thunder was mocking me, telling me that the heavens had Carlos, not me. I swiftly pulled my jacket closer to my body, and sniffed. 

"I miss you, Carlos." I hiccuped.

I finally got home, I peeled all of my drenched clothes off and pulled out some of Carlos' Blue pajama pants and an old T-shirt. I slipped the garments on, sighing when the scent of Carlos Garcia hit me. I grabbed his old teddy bear and cuddled up with it, to drift fast asleep.

I was sitting in an empty room, with a bright light shinning toward my face. Suddenly, i felt I wasn't alone any more. I looked around to see Carlos' glowing figure standing no less than three feet away.

"Hey, Logie." He smiled and sat down next to me. 

"Carlos." I smiled

"I just dropped by to see how you were doing!" He took my hand and squeez it.

"I'm doing great, Carlos." I was astonished. 

"Thats good. So am I." He smiled. "You look great!"

I looked down to see that I still had his pajamas on and I blushed. "I can't help it, Carlos, I miss you.." I trailed off. A tear slid down my cheek.

"Logie-bear, don't cry." He soothed. He wiped my tears away and embraced me. I melted into the hug, sighing when I smelled the scent again. He pulled back and held both of my hands. "Logan, there's something I've been wanting to ask you." He smiled.

"What is it, Carlos?" I breathed.

"I was wondering, If you would like to come back to-" He was cut off. 

"LOGAN! LOGAN? WAKE UP!" I popped my eyes open, to reveal James' figure. I groggily sighed.

"I made breakfast.." James offered me, but I really didn't feel like eating.

"I'll pass" I shrugged, And he just turned and walked out. I pulled the covers over my head. Ugh, I would assume today was his burrial. 3 weeks, and I still can't realize that he's gone. 


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting here in a crowded area full of other people, just makes me feel so meaningless. And watching Carlos' body being burried, knowing it's my fault, dosn't help the fact either. God only knows what I would give to have Carlos back with us right now. I don't want to remember good memmories with him, I want to make them. I don't want to embrace his belongings, I want to embrace him.

I cried harder when he was fully burried. I sat there, coldly, staring blankly at nothing.

"Hey, he's in a better place." My Brother put his hand on me, oh what does he know. That phrase is so cliche, i'm getting tired of hearing it. He dosen't know what it's like to loss someone you loved so much. I shrugged his hand off and ignored him. Then all of a sudden, something burst inside me. I clenched my fists together, and Stomped in the other direction, pushing everthing over in my path. I began running home, tears building up in my eyes.

I ran home, no one was in yet, so I made a line to the bathroom. I shut the door tightly behind me. I heaved tears, and pulled out the biggest blade I could find. I admired it for the longest time before digging it deep into my wrist. I winched at the pain, but I actually felt a relieved sensation. So i pierced my flesh again with the same tool, scarlet red blood leaking out of each cut. I wasn't pleased with myself, but it had to be done, I had to let all my feelings out through my blood. I rolled down my sleves and headed for the other room.

It was the usual routiene, I put on Carlos' Pajamas and slept with his old worn out teddy bear. I weeped his name over and over again. Like he'll ever be back.. And i'm pretty sure if he was he wouldn't love me anyway. I wish I was 10 feet under the ground, right along with Carlos. I looked over to the vaccent spot beside me. It felt cold without him there. I blinked a few times and I felt a rush of dizzyness. I didn't feel right, so I just decided to close my eyes and cry myself to sleep once again..

_I'm in that room again, is Carlos-_

_"Hey, beautiful." I heard his silky voice coming from behind me. My entire body increased in warmth, for he called me beautiful. Its almost a shame that the only place I can find serenity is in my dreams._

_"Carlos!" I instantly smiled, running close to him. He admired me from my distance from him, then his expression changed._

_"What have you been doing, Logie?" He said, taking my arms and examining them, silence filled the moment, untill he looked up at me with curiosity, obviously demanding for an answer._

_"I'm sorry, Carlos, I couldn't stand the agony of your absence, I just can't dwell anymore. The pain is eating me alive." I blinked furiously, trying to hold the tears._

_"Logie-bear, don't you ever harm yourself on behalf of me, I'll always love you." He said, taking both of my arms close to his face. Then, something astounding happened, he took one of my arms to his delicate lips and pressed gentle kisses to each wound, and one by one, they dissapeared. I examined them all, there wouldnt even a hint of scar left behind._

_"How'd you do that?" I said, holding my arms out._

_"I charmed them." he said, batting his flaweless eyelashes._

_I did nothing but smile like a dork. _

_"And, I was wondering, maybe if you could.. come back to heav-" He was cut off by an obnoxious rumbling noise. He looked around apprehensively. "I have to go." He said nervously, he leaned in and smoothly placed a kiss on my cheek and turned and walked off. His angelic figure dissapeared within a bright light. And i sat there, all alone._

_"I love you, Carlos.." I whispered._

The next morning I'm up and in the kitchen with Kendall and James, making coffee

"Goodmorning!" I said, bursting out of my room.

"Logan, your.. happy!" James said, shocked.

"You know, I kinda am" I admitted. I wondered off into my thoughts that I was going to see Carlos in my dreams tonight. I can't believe he did what he did to my arms last nigh- Wait. I pulled up my sleaves to reveal that my cuts weren't there anymore. I almost started crying, but I'm just too sick of it.

"Hey, guys, I think I'm gonna go out for a drive." I said, spinning my car keys on my finger.

"Take your time!" Kendall said, smiling.

Well now i've been almost all the way across town, now. And it just decides to come a down pour! Well, im still in a pretty good-

_**Crash.**_

I woke up to a bright light and rumaging drawers. Am I in heaven?

_**beep!**_

Hell no. I tried to move, but every inch of my body was in pain. I tried to see what all was going on, but my vision was blurry, I blinked a few times, then it finally came through. People were rushing around, talking about someone who was in critical condition. Wait, is that me? Man, I have this massive headache.. I looked around, and there was something that caught my eye.

Carlos.

I was so glad to see him. "Carlos, whats going on?" I asked. Before he could speak a doctor did.

"He's conscious!" They shouted. I looked at him, then back at carlos.

"You wrecked your car." He said, walking through doctors. I could do nothing but stay silent.

"It hurts.." i finally spoke.

"I know, babe. Come with me." He said, holding out a hand. He called me babe.

"Stay with me, kid." one of the doctors said, poking me.

"I'm sorry." I breathed. "But I'm going with Carlos."

"Who?" The doctor said. Carlos just smiled. And he held out his hand once more.

I didn't respond. I turned over, and the last thing I heard was my heart monitor flatten. I'm Free at last. I rose up and took Carlos' hand, and followed him into a bright light, but it didn't seem to phase me. He lead me to the top of the hill, and held my hands.

"Iv'e been waiting to do this for a long time.." He said. I was sort of confused at the moment, But I caught on when he leaned in. He pressed his lips to mine, I felt a jolt of electricity through me. Wow, that was strong-

_**Buzz!**_

I slowely opened my eyes again, to doctors shocking me with shockers(**A/N: I have no clue what they are called, but for now their shockers)** Well, my journy isn't over.


	4. Chapter 4

Carlos' P.O.V:

I watched as he dissapeared from my arms. I tryed so hard just to get him back..only to lose him again. What is heaven without Logan? Heaven supposed to be so wonderful...if it is..then this cannot be heaven. I'm just living in my own immortal hell. Realizing this, made me come to the conclusion that i'm roaming the earth, spiritless, emotionless; I can't feel anything.

Soon I was hovering over my best friends lifeless form. I reach down and grazed the palm of my hand over his pale face. His eyes popped open and he groaned.

"...Carlos..?" He breathed out.

"Yes Logan?"

"What are you doing here.." He smiled. I just smiled back and sat on the edge of his bed.

"I'm gonna make the pain go away, Logan." I said, running my hand through his damp, raven hair. He blinked his eyes unknowingly.

"Will you leave with me, Logan?" I asked, holding one of his buised hands.

"Leave? Where?"

"Logan, I never went to heaven. I'm in hell. I need you, Logan. Heaven isn't heaven without you. I love you, Logan." I batted my agile eyelashes. He looked at me like I was a stranger. He arduosly rasied his arms and attempted to wrap his arms around my neck, but I wasnt there. I was just a spirit; His arms fell unsturdy.

"I cant feel you.." He breathed out. This is mentally agonizing for me. I just can't stand his usually angelic body being abused like this. I want to help him make the pain go away.

"Look at us Logan.." I winced. "I'm long gone, desired to be forgotton, and your on death's path, right behind me. All this just happened in what seems to be a blink of an eye.." I sniffed. I may be an angel, but I can still cry.

"What's it like being dead, Carlos?" He fake smiled. God knows there are over 200 false emotions behind that smile..

"It's very tiering." I began "What makes it even worse, is that I have to linger on earth longer than what I desire because I want you to feel what I feel. Take my hand, Logan. Lets fly far away from here." He fumbled over his thoughts before closing his eyes. His illusional spirit rose and intertwined his baby-soft hand with mine. He had no cuts, bruises, nor a broken soul. We turned back around to the sound of his heart monitor going flat, and we walked into the sunset, hand in hand destined to walk through the stars.

**Okay, so I THINK thats the end, but I would love it if you all gave me ideas for sequels? (:**


End file.
